Off the Rack

She tentatively steps out of the bright sunlight
Her eyes straining to adjust to being inside
Seeing the store owner, she smiles to be polite
- But eyes show the uncertainty she cannot hide

This is not her first time wondering through these aisles
She has been here before but made no decisions
The space is not large, yet her browsing covers miles
Each item leads her to make mental revisions

This is a shop replete with opportunity
On every rack and shelf are the outfits of life
Each offers a means to join the community
By filling roles such as doctor, teacher or wife

Options seem endless in this concentrated space
Jackets, hats and shoes cover the walls and the floor
To select well will require wisdom and grace
As there is no option to just choose to buy more

Purchases made in this strange little store are constrained
To the weight you can carry and what you can hold
Each choice requires effort, you have to be trained
Too many selections and you’ll feel tired, old

So she stands and considers what she should do now
Her clothing from former days-gone-by is in rags
It must be replaced. She needs to choose what she’ll allow
The storekeeper to give her and place in her bags

With a knowing smile, the shopkeeper leans to her ear,
“Try them all on, all the ones you think you will like.”
She stops and stares, the prospect calms a little fear
She had not known that they would not all fit alike

The first was too bulky, it hung loose on her frame
The second and third were either short or too tight
The fourth was a style that made her face red with shame
The fifth was tacky with colors bold and bright

The sixth one looked lovely and breezy on the rack
But on her, it was misshapen and would not do.
Each item she tried felt like a brutal attack
Nothing seemed to match her shape, not even a shoe

“This is terrible!” she sobbed from the dressing room,
“I’m fit for nothing at all in this world of outfits!
How can I grow, prosper, and eventually bloom
When it looks like I’m made as one of the misfits?”

Slowly, calmly, in His own compassionate way
The Shopkeeper attended, He came and knocked,
“Come, open the door and I will end your delay.
I have what you wanted, I’ve kept it safe and locked.”

She did as He had asked and through teary vision
She saw fabric draped across His outstretched arm
Unlike what she saw while making her decision
It was light yet cozy, full of beauty and charm

Before her eyes, she saw Him cut from a design
At the top of the page, what surprise, was her name!
He quickly stitched all the pieces, missing no line
And held the result for her to see and acclaim

She tried it on and, what wonder, it was perfect
Obviously every detail was made exactly for her
The color, the size, the style and cut were correct
Even in details she did not know to prefer

“How did you do this?” she gasped to the Man, in great awe
“I was made all wrong for everything in the store!”
“Ah,” He answered, “you thought that meant you had a flaw.
Choosing from other options is a useless chore.”

“I am a tailor; I do not sell standard ware.
Each item must be carefully crafted anew.
You were not made to fit some fashionable flair
No, dearest, it is meant to be shaped to fit you.”

Closure

Are you ready for closure in some area of your life? I know I am. When I go through a difficult time in any area, I just wait for the end date. I've noticed that I fully expect such a day to come - as though it is like the last day of the semester for a class I didn't like in school. Once that day comes, I expect that I can have closure and be done with it. Hopefully I got a good grade, but even if not, it's over either way.

The frustrating part is that real life does not always work like this. I have had relationships wounded that I keep hoping will miraculously heal. I continue deal with issues of security and wanting to know if I'm on the right track. This gone on for years. I keep waiting for the celebration day of sadness to be over and constant rejoicing to begin. All the hurt of the past should be resolved. All those questions about work and school should be answered. If these were courses in college, I'd be done by now. I keep realizing how I expect that God's semesters of teaching me each of His ways will have end dates. Not exactly consciously, but I keep thinking that if I didn't like the struggle, it will end either way.

Maybe there is no last day of class. There is no final grade. We just continue to move on.

Recently, I've been typing up a test for the intro psychology class I teach. The chapter covers the difference between Sensation, what you actually see, and Perception, how your brain interprets it. Often, the interpretation part makes what you actually see fit to what you expect to see. (Sidenote: This is why visual illusions work, your brain is trying to make an image fit to how it should normally look, even though the picture doesn't actually follow normal rules.)

Looking at an example of the "Principle of Closure" (see picture), it's interesting that the perceptual experience of closure has to be inferred. The circles are not actually complete, but I see them and the triangle anyway (although it's technically not there). My mind is able to accept what looks incomplete and find a larger picture there - if I let it.

I believe sometimes closure in all those areas of life works like this too. We know there are still loose ends. Not everything comes together. Not every problem is solved. It doesn't always just go away. But by the grace of God, who gave our minds the ability to see beyond what is physically there, we can get more than the answers we seek. We can get a big picture glimpse of God Himself. And to that, I pray there is no closure.

Daffodils

Last fall, I planted daffodils. I carefully dug holes to the proper depth and added a little richer soil than the red clay in most of the yard. I put them in, covered them up and thought of the joy they would be in the spring, bursting with color before anything else. I tried to forget about them, but I simply could not. I watered them. I made sure no one walked on them. Even with no evidence of how they were doing, I thought of them enduring the cold winter safely in the ground in order to be ready for spring.
Now it is early January. The winter weather has been strange, it was cold earlier than usual, but before Christmas, and especially after it has been unusually warm - even for the south. But it is still early January and the coldest is yet to come. I know that. I see the calendar and pay attention to weather reports.
Unfortunately, as I decided to do a little yard sprucing-up recently I noticed that the little bulbs I had tended were now popping up through the ground with bright green leaves shooting high. Daffodils are early bloomers and sturdy plants, but early January is still before their proper time.
"No, little daffodils!" I wanted to tell them, "It's not time yet, there are still many frosts to come, maybe snow. It will be cold. Stay hidden and safe!" But they can't understand my message. So I brushed a little of the remaining pine needles over them and hope they brave through. I sigh and think how it would have been easier for them to wait at least a month or so to start showing their new leaves.

But I identify with my early daffodils wanting to declare a new season and move ahead. They took cues from the weather; it seemed warm for a time. I take cues from my environment as well. When I want a season of learning or a season of testing or a season of growing to be over, I look for any clue that I can claim as a sign that it is time to move on. And sometimes it's just too early.

For the last year or so I have spent untold time struggling with wanting security and wanting the days of not knowing my career path to end. God has taught me many things along the way and has always been faithful to provide everything I've needed and more, but still the training to trust Him has seemed long. Looking back, I think how precious that time has been, valuable more than wealth. But every so often during that time, I declared that the season must be over and surely it was time for me to move on. When I heard of a job or continued education that sounded interesting to me, I saw glimmers of sunshine and felt the warmth of spring, or what I thought was spring since I was tired of my personal winter. I saw others with less education and experience finding their own careers. Not wanting to miss any opportunities, I tried my hardest to send out my own leaves. I immersed myself in each new direction and imagined myself there. If believing or hoping for good changes was all that is needed for them to happen, I would be on one of those paths now.
Yet, God knew I needed to wait, to sit still for a "winter" rather than always trying to bloom. When I stuck a leaf out, He probably sighed as I did with my daffodils and lovingly protected me from storms ahead. But He didn't turn January into Spring. He has his own plans for me and has designed my life to follow order, which includes Springs and Summers, but also Autumns and Winters. Each time I try to jump ahead of that timetable uses energy and puts me at risk of future storms.

Bulbs for some flowers need to be planted in Autumn so that they have a winter to build a complete root system. When spring finally comes, they are established and ready to grow. So, for now, I am being aware of my root system (my character, habits, skills, attitudes, knowledge base) and letting the time to grow up and out come in due season.

Looking beyond the chariots

Last time I wrote about boasting in people rather than God. Another translation of Psalms 20:7 says that “some trust in chariots and some in horses” (NIV). This change of wording has a different implication for me to think about. The kings that David faced had big armies and fancy weapons. David knew his enemies had better odds of winning and that they believed an easy win was assured. He was scared. Rationally so too. You probably know what this feels like. It’s like talking to someone about a job you don’t have the education for, a house you don’t have the money for, a part in a play you aren’t talented enough to get. David should expect to be beaten down, maybe facing his own and his friends’ deaths under his leadership.

But then a remarkable thing happens.

David is reminded that the Lord is His Provider. David can trust solely in what his God will do, completely and sharply distinct from the physical appearance of things. He could have had nothing but untrained children with only sticks and stones to throw. David knew personally that even a child with a rock would be enough. If God wanted to see His chosen ones prosper, the ways and means were not a hindrance. David didn’t have to bother worrying over the battle, I imagine he may even have chalked up some time spent seeking his Lord’s face as battle preparation.

I see myself facing some battles that I seem ill-equipped to handle. I’m looking for a job although I have little experience in the field and stopped school short of the degree I’d expected. Throw in the difficult job market and economic issues now, and it’s just looks all uphill. I’m trying to write more, to share some of the amazing things God teaches me daily, although my freshmen English professor told me I didn’t have the mind of a writer. In the vast world of words online, I’m less than the size of rest area along the highway, although I hope to be at least a bench where someone can sit and chat. These issues are two of the opposing armies I’m seeing. I haven’t seen the outcome yet, but praise the Lord I don’t have to keep staring my problems! It has taken me a little longer than it probably took David, but God has patiently been calling me to trust in Him alone, not in the lay of the land ahead.

Something to Boast About

Boast = to speak of with excessive pride
Boasting is about sharing what gives you pride, or that which makes you proud of it. Do you have anything to boast about?

The economy, wars, and uncertainty of our times have motivated many people to change what they boast in. Commentators say that the holidays this year will focus more on family and people than in many years. We have trusted in money, stocks, jobs, positions, real estate, and the government - and been burned. So now, having learned the error of our ways, we’ve decided to go back to finding pride in ourselves and those around us. The acquired talents, earned education, and natural abilities that we possess will now be our focus. We will pay more attention to ourselves and each other, marveling in what everyone can do. Collectively, we start to think, “Oh, how silly that was to think that money would make me happy. Prestige wasn’t working out too well either. Well, fine. I’ve got myself - and I’m great, and I have those who care about me. Enjoying each other is what makes life worthwhile.” How sweet. Kinda nervous-thud-in-the-pit-of-my-stomach sweet.

Boasting in material wealth was a problem. Ok. Good to know. But we have to be careful about learning the actual lesson these difficult economic times are teaching us.

People are precious and valuable. They should get our love, care and attention. But could they become a source of pride? And if so, is anything wrong with that? We can boast of our families of origin, spouses, children, grandchildren, co-workers and friends. A little of this is certainly good and is encouraging. But what happens when our lives become about the prestige of a spouse’s position - and then it is lost. Or the potential success of our children - who end up either doing little with their lives or not finding the time to visit or call. What about the powerful or well-known friends who then forget us - or even the kind ones with whom we just lose touch? Is that what we are left with from our boasting? People are important, but have the potential to fall away faster than the economy.

What about ourselves? There, we have more control, no big surprises. We have long known (at least in theory) that pride in ourselves is a bad idea. We know that literally boasting about ourselves is rude. But a new kind of boasting is emerging. It is boasting without a word. It is building yourself up to be beautiful and organized, informed and worldly, contemplative and artistic, all in your own strength. So people look at you and see … you - accomplished, cool-headed and prepared for success. This one is easy to trap at least me. The boasting is spoken through volumes of actions in my life. I boast in wanting others to think I’m doing all the right things to make me happy. I boast in wanting them to see how well I can do for myself. And what proud boasting (internally) when I don’t want people over because the house isn’t clean and smelling of homemade bread? Blek!

So take more time for yourself, your friends and family, enjoy them. But boast in what is perfect and unchangable, the only unwavering existence. Boast not in the world or the people in it, but boast - oh, yell it out and get all prideful - boast in the Lord.

“Some nations boast of their armies and weapons, but we boast in the LORD our God.” Psalms 20:7

Homecoming

People use the term, “home” in different ways. When I was in college, most students referred to home to mean their dorm room as well as the place where their families lived. After a long day of classes or projects, a roommate might say she was ready to go home and imply she wanted to head back to the place with her bed. Conversely, I always refused to call any campus housing “home.” The word home was reserved for the house I had lived in my whole life, where my parents were. I continued to refer to that alone as home until I had my own townhouse years later. Now, this house I share with my husband is my home.

Some people refer to visiting their parents and the town they grew up in as “going back home” even when they have their own families elsewhere. I think I’m just not the type to have multiple homes. Just the place where I most long to be when I’m tired or cold or lonely or scared. That’s home. Home is a place to be vulnerable and wear comfy clothes. It’s a place I can think and get to know myself. It’s a place where I fit; I match the decor and it reflects me. A home has an impact on the people that live there and they bring it life. It is a current and fluid relationship.

But I notice something else about my feelings toward home. No matter how safe or how much belonging I feel there, there is still a longing. It’s an ache that comes and goes and kinda reminds me of being on long school trips or camping as a child. I may like where I am, but I miss where I belong. I’m homesick. No matter how perfect the scene with family or friends gathered around a meal or a conversation, there’s always something missing. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy these fun times tremendously, I laugh and talk and eat way more than I should. Yet, there are times my attention is drawn away, Jesus calls softly to my heart, and I can’t help but realize that only heaven is truly home. And I want to be there….

This world has many things going for it - but careful if you don’t stop and think about what you’re really looking for. You can have a lovely house, fill it with light and warmth, people and music, entertainment and beauty. It will be enchanting. It could also be very distracting. It may seem inviting when you are tired, but it will not refresh your soul. It may be filled with aromatic food, but you will continue to be hungry. You will start to reflect the place you call home, and if you are too settled in this world, it will show to those around you.

No matter how much you enjoy your home or the homes you visit this season, remember they are here for just a short time. Ask God to reveal His idea of home for you. Go ahead and start thinking of going there when you are tired. Try filling up on the Bread offered at Jesus’ table. Reflect the home you were meant to have, though not there yet. And it’s okay to be homesick sometimes.

Isaiah 61:1

Poetry inspired by the Word:

“… the LORD has anointed me… to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners…”

——-

Softly, quiet as the noise of crunching snow,

The night is waning to the new day’s glow.

Arising from over the tall spruce trees

White light beams, diffusing winter’s stone freeze.

Ice crystals creak as each is compromised.

The bright Sun leaves every shadow baptized.

Under the snow are found old rusty chains,

Shackles and cages – captivity’s remains.

But no prisoner is found. No enslaved soul.

The darkness is gone from every deep hole.

The bars have been broken, bent and cut.

Every lock is open, no trap is left shut.

For hope of the day, the early burst of dawn,

Woke the hostage, who was not too far gone

To stir to life and lift her weary head,

To listen and hear what message was said.

It rang from the sky, came from across the sea,

“Trust Me, child. You are healed and set free!”

Despite temptation to cover her ears

She had slowly stood and faced all those fears:

Of being rejected and insecure

Of holding more pain than she could endure

Of losing the battle she alone fought.

She began to surrender every thought.

As the Sun melted the ice from her heart,

The doors swung open so she could depart.

Her battle had not been with flesh or bone,

But her own belief of Christ to atone.

After the night of sad remorse was through

The captive left to use what she now knew:

The love of the Lord is worth more than life.

His peace satisfies, even amid strife.

Worries and wonders can lead you astray,

But honest repentance keeps guilt at bay.

No matter your past, it is just history

The beauty Christ forms is a mystery.

And so, my fellow travelers, listen

During this winter of indecision.

The walls that you build and places you hide

To keep others out only keep you inside.

The prison is lonely and full of lies

And you cannot leave ‘til you’ve opened eyes.

***

Remember during this Advent season,

The Coming we wait for has a reason –

It is Christ and His freedom that we need.

Open to His call and be free indeed!

You can wait for a perfect escape day

Or choose now – be a Glorious display!