Truly Accepted

What is your deepest longing?

If not this moment, I’ll safely assume that at some point, it was to belong. Maybe you wanted to belong in a family, with a group of friends, in a relationship, or at a school or job. Maybe you’ve wanted to belong to a club or group that represents success, achievement, or privilege. Very early on, children learn the idea of in-group and out-group; they crave to know where and who with they belong. Belonging brings security. You know if you fall down, somebody can help you up. You know if you’ve enjoyed the day, or really not enjoyed the day that someone will share your joys and struggles.

We all want to be accepted, to be approved, to be a part of the group. In some ways, this is healthy. If I just decided to only respond to my own desires and seek my own approval, I would end up lonely, hurt, and probably in lots of trouble. If I’m having a hard time and there is no one to notice, it could be bad for me. Watching out for yourself all the time is exhausting and not a lot of fun.

This is a problem in a society that promotes to individuals the lofty goals to stand on your own two feet, to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, and to make the most of yourself for yourself alone. We are instead social beings. In the world of making it on your own, yet craving interaction, we can end up turning each interaction into a test. If someone does not have something we want to gain from them (social status, career status, information, influence, or least the ability to make us laugh), they fail our test and we move on to another person. To pass, a person must be good enough in some way. We don’t become friends with people just because they are convenient. (Do you always become best friends with your current next door neighbor?) No, we choose people with qualities that benefit us, even if it’s just because we get enjoyment from being around them. Human relationships are conditional and when our (usually selfish) conditions are not met, it’s over.

Constantly proving ourselves to our friends, co-workers, and even family members is draining. It also leaves a bit of doubt if someone we love will still love us no matter what we do. Even the approval that we work to gain can be lost. Some relationships are strong enough that we can’t lose our acceptance quickly, but it could happen over time.

This mindset is a hindrance in coming to God. The eternal approval we most need, the constant acceptance that matters the most to a growing spiritual life, is something we fear losing more than friends or club memberships. The stakes are so high we try to hide from God rather than expose ourselves and face the judgment we fear. We try to come to God with a defense of what we’ve done and why our failings should be overlooked. We come with plans for how we’ll change in the future if only we won’t be rejected now.

Fortunately, God doesn’t judge us the way we are inclined to judge each other. God’s holiness is too great for that option. No person would make it. The most amazing thing in following Christ is that Christ Himself represents you, intercedes for you, before the Father. And Christ’s approval stands. All He asks is to believe in Him and He’ll go to work for you, getting you in, and as long as you’re under His cover, you are never kicked out of God’s group. The unconditional love we look for in the world isn’t going to be found. We have to find it in the only place we are truly accepted.